What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
