Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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