ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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