I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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