just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
