Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
