This girl is more easily done than said...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
