Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize