I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
