apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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