Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
