just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize