Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize