Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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