How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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