K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
