At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
