So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
