i came on her dog
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
