On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
