I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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