I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
