The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
