he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My pussy is not your playground.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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