We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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