if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
