she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
