Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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