I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
