: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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