so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
