The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
