guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
