I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize