someone threw a dead crab at me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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