you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
