Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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