Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
