I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
