thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
