I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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