i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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