If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
