he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
