You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
