So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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