I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
