two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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