Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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