Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
