he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
