how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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