I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
