no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
