So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
