I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
