In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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