Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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