I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
