good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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