i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
