she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
