I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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