U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize