Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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