He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
