your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
