1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
