He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
