Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
