so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
