One girl and one boy is just not enough.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
