I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
