So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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