I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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