i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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