using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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