Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
