girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
