I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My vagina is officially offended.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
