Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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