So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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