who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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